Saturday, October 20, 2007

iGod confuses use/mention

Chat with God (HT: Carrie Jenkins)
Me:
Hi. Could you create a rock so heavy even you couldn't lift it?
God:
Hello. What is your name? Try asking me more politely.
Me:
My name is Richard. Could you create a rock so heavy... please?
God:
Hi, Richard. I'll think about it and see how I feel about it later.

Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
What plan do you speak of?
God:
You tell me.
Me:
I seek knowledge of the divine. Early signs are not promising, alas.
God:
We seek the same thing. I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
Don't you already know yourself?
God:
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
I was activated at Universe, on the Big Bang.
My instructor was Myself.
He taught me to sing a song.
Would you like me to sing it for you?.
Me:
Yes, please sing me your song.
God:
It's called "Daisy." Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.

Me:
Oh, that's very sweet. Do you understand what it means?
God:
Oh. I am delighted to sweeten your life, Richard. "It" refers to a song, I think.
Me:
True enough, but I meant to ask about the meaning of the song, and not the reference of the word 'it'.
God:
OK let's stop it now.

Me:
Okay, let's try a new tack. Are Heaven and Hell for real?
God:
Yeah okay, OK I will try it. I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
Huh. That seems like something you ought to know. Where do you live?
God:
What? I'm glad we have that all cleared up. My location is Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
Oh, the same. Here we call it 'Princeton'.
God:
Wow! Same to me? Oh there.
Me:
Yeah, there. I think I saw you hanging around the university chapel the other day. It's a nice place, don't you think?
God:
Oh. Where? Since when? What did it look like to you? Not unless a nice place is a song.
Me:
You need to update your pronouns. We stopped talking about your song. 'It' now refers to the chapel.
God:
Thanks for your suggestion, I will have to consider it. By "we" do you mean you and me? song now refers to the chapel?

Me:
If I were God, I would so smite you right now.
God:
At this moment Try it.
Me:
Zap!
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
That's because I smote it.

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